mental travels of a Chinese-American Hijabi from Arizona.
My in-laws just left after a 10-day stay with us this month, and while they were here, I felt overwhelmed with memories of my dad.
Partly because of the changing season turning into the season he first came to see me in China, partly because my dad-in-law sometimes reminds me of my own, partly because my dad’s death anniversary is upcoming.
There are times when I think about all the things I had dreams and imagined my dad to experience in my life that set me into a tumultuous and draining cathartic cry.
There are other days, when I can calmly talk about him.
But more often than not, when I have the chance to think about him, I can’t help but cry, the tears inconsolably thick and salty.
God, sometimes I miss him so incredibly much.
And sending emails to his blackhole email can’t heal all of the words I want to tell him.
Looking through all the loving words he’s ever written to me, makes me upset that I didn’t spend more time with him.
And while I know that death is simply a part of life, and can accept and embrace it. The reality of him no longer being on this Earth is still hard.
I miss him so freaking much.@3 weeks ago with 1 note