Finding Myself Again

When I told people I was moving to China, and their jaws dropped, I internally shook my head from what I thought was an overreaction. 

After all, I thought, I’ve lived in Nanjing to some degree for about a cumulative year. 

And I had relatives, a job and a husband. What more could I ask for? I was used to the weather, the culture (mostly — off days result in a lot of unhappy sniffling in a corner), the people and the job.

But at 22 years old, no summer-camp-esque experience to jet-start me into meeting new people, I have discovered that I am entirely reliant on my husband and relatives to introduce me to new people.

And although I truly appreciate all the help, somehow I feel a lack of autonomy in choosing with whom I’d like to befriend and get to know.

It reminds me a little of when my mom once told me,

"Once you get married, your friends life will disappear. You either become friends with your husband’s friends, or you husband will become friends with your friends’ husbands. That, or a mix of both. And it’s a miracle if you ever find the perfect couple match for both of you." 

And to some extent, what with jettisoning off halfway across the world, I’m beginning to find that a little true. 

OK — a LOT true.

I’ve been in Nanjing for 10 days or so now, and I’ve met some new people. But entirely through my husband. And it breaks my heart because I know he’s trying hard to ease me into his lifestyle and his friends.

But as an introvert (and particularly so, as I’m feeling fairly displaced with this realization of a lack of friends), I get wiped out very easily and particularly so with making sure I act correctly within the associated cultural nuances.

When it comes down to it, I get along with them, I enjoy their presence and their conversation. But somehow, something key is just missing.

And even though, knowing myself, I much prefer simply being home and sleeping, reading or thinking to myself, I also know that I need a few English-speaking friends that I’ve made in my own time, in my own terms, in my own awkward way, to feel fully at home back here in Nanjing.

It’s not to say that I don’t like and enjoy my husband’s friends on their own, but somehow it’s just not the same as finding someone I like within my own context.  

Once I start working. InshaAllah.

@1 month ago with 3 notes
#nanjing #china #life #quarter-life crisis 


girls on their periods

I will never not reblog this.

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The Sailor Scout, Fantasy RPG set!

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1. Death brings out the best in people.

2. When someone tells you your hijab takes away your beauty, you must laugh. If your beauty is so fragile a mere scarf can take it away, why would you want it?

3. Talking over death is like stitching over a wound. At first it hurts, but then it starts to heal.

4. Going out to see a sad movie, even by yourself, is what you need sometimes.

5. In prayer, Allah reveals the deepest parts of you. The parts you forgot about, or put away in hiding.

6. The joy of a stranger calling you sister is worth a thousand times the joy of cute shorts or a pretty dress.

7. When you say it enough, Salaam Alaykum can sound like hello.

8. Ringing up friends is more important than sleep, or exams, or jobs when they are sad and alone.

9. Mama only wants what is best for you. Be patient. She was to you.

10. Spiritual talks until 4am are sometimes more than okay. They are important. And sometimes they keep you up for fajr.

11. Hearing Salaam on a bad day is as good as coming back to your hometown.

12. Words in people’s native languages are as close to jannah as we get in this world.

13.When you see your friends faces after a long drought of their company is enough to make you tell them you love them. You should tell them this more often.

14. You should tell the people you love, that you love. Sometimes we don’t get the chance. Don’t waste your own.

15. It’s okay to cry. It is love, it is. I have spent the last three years trying to get over her, not letting myself cry. When I did, I realised it did not make me weak, it made me human. And I was created to be human.


What I Learnt Before Ramadan (via queenhijab)
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YAY!!! I cannot believe it, but I have reached a phenomenal 50,000 followers (now 55,555)! That’s 49,500 more than I ever hoped to have, hehe, and to celebrate and say thank you for your unbelievable support, I want to give a little something back.

There will be three lucky winners who will each win one of these prizes…

The large Oh-Totoro (grey) plushie.

The medium Chu-Totoro (blue) plushie.

The small Chibi-Totoro (white) plushie.

All three of these plushies are genuine Japanese merchandise and feature the official “Approved by Studio Ghibli” sticker, so are very high quality! ^___^


1. You must be following oh-totoro
     - I will check this after making the draw and redraw if necessary.
2. You must reblog this post.
     - Each reblog counts as an entry. You may reblog once per day.
3. You must be willing to give me your postal address.
     - Well, this should be obvious.
4. A photo of each winner with their prize would be greatly appreciated so I can reblog it to oh-totoro, but this is not a requirement.


Thursday 31st July 2014 (and will be announced a week later)

I will contact the three winners on this date and give them 48 hours to respond to my Ask. If I don’t receive a response, I will nudge up those who have responded and redraw the lowest prize. This will also be the case if Asks are not enabled. Make sure your Asks are enabled!


Anybody can enter. I will post to any country. So don’t miss out!

Good luck! x

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Zun Huo, “Just Right”



只怪 荧光太斑驳
空气中 太多琢磨
怎样相觑 才不为过火

碾碎 累赘的线索
为情景 放任交错
不屑结果 只奢求后果

沿着眉眼 求解救
挥发 无声的焦灼
哪怕丢下天地 沦为粉末

救我 别奚落
救救我 一瞬紧迫

@1 month ago with 3 note and 69 play
#霍尊 #huo zun #chinese #music #ballad #soft #恰好 #cpop 


Look at how far we’d come

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