thinking about “The Future”, and finally making a transition out of what I imagine (and hope, God Willing), to be my last venture in formal education is simultaneously exciting and terrifying.
Despite the fact that 22 is hardly any different from 21, and the relative change between these two ages are lesser than my last turnover, I can’t help but feel like something’s changed in the air, in my life.
Maybe it’s the weather speaking through me, but this last year has been a very different one. In these last two years, I’ve realized how often I’ve made the same choice I had pounded and brainwashed myself into believing since primary school: making sacrifices to living in the moment for my perceived “future”.
All the way through primary and secondary school, I had separated my formal education from “the future”, planning a million ideas and hopes pinned onto this imaginary projected me of the future. At the time, I was content to just put my nose to the paper and grind my way through the fundamentals that would furnish my future. After all, I convinced myself, if I work hard now, I can have all the time to play and enjoy myself later.
But grad school has only reminded me that I will never be done with laying the bricks of foundation. And well, it’s taken me 22 years to realize that I’ve learned only the most minute of fractions of what composes the world’s amount of knowledge. And frankly, at the rate I’m going, I’ll never learn it all in time. Hardly have the time to experience all the amazing places on this planet.
And maybe that’s why I’m suddenly affronted with the realization that I have so little time to do what I had always dreamed of doing.
After my dad passed away, my family and I often shared stories as a form of bereavement and healing. Of the many stories we shared, the one where my dad related to my mom over how happy he was to have had a fulfilling family was the one that struck me hardest. Some might say he ‘sacrificed’ his career for us. And maybe objectively that is true, but he sure never acted like it was a “sacrifice”.
To my dad, being with family was his form of “living in the moment”. He worked hard to keep our family running, but he also knew when to let go and cherish the time he had with us.
Standing at the cusp between formal education and “the future” or “the rest of my life” has only reminded me of this. I am reminded time and time again of the chance to live and experience what I cherish in this limited time span.
To that effect: Happy Day, World :) And thank you, to my parents for having me, my grandma, siblings and friends for shaping me into who I am today. It’s good to be alive.@5 months ago
#happy #birthday #2014